I am not that fat, nor do I have any type of spherical protrusion from my abdominal area. However, in the past year I have had two clients ask me if I was pregnant.
conversation number one:
client - When are you due?
me - Due for what? Oh . . . I'm not pregnant.
client - Uh, sorry. After I had my baby people always thought I was still pregnant too.
me - I didn't just have a baby. My daughter is three. She is also adopted. So, what did you say was wrong with your dog?
conversation number two:
client - Do I see a baby bump?
me - Uh, no, I certainly hope not.
client - Really, are you sure?
me - Um, pretty sure.
client - Oh, I thought I saw a baby bump. Would you be upset if you had one?
me - (Does she mean would I be upset if I was pregnant, or would I be upset if I looked pregnant but wasn't?) Well, kind-of. We have a daughter and are pretty happy with our family of three.
client - Well, Vern is an only child, and he has always really wished that he had a sibling. (Vern, by the way, is this woman's husband who looks very much like a famous porn star who's initials are R.J.)
me - Are you f*$#@^& kidding me. Why am I having this conversation? Can I just finish examining your very agitated 17 year-old cat, who you insist will not bite me despite the fact that I have had to pull my hand away from his mouth with ninja-like speed several times during the past five minutes
Well, you get the picture . . .
Anyway, I did not say, "are you f*$#@^$ kidding me" or any of that other stuff. Instead I proceeded to have an entire conversation with Vern (aka R.J.) and his lovely wife about our choice to adopt children and how we were very content right now as a family of three but if we did decide to expand that we would be adopting again. I also told them that I too was an only child but that my husband had a brother.
After that Vern and wife proceeded to have a brief argument about whether a parent should tell a child that s/he is adopted: Vern's platform - what they don't know can't hurt them; wife's position - the child has a right to know. I concluded the argument by stating that since our child has a very different skin tone than either mine or my husband's that I was fairly certain that she would figure it out at some point even if we had not opted to tell her. I also thought it necessary to share a story that my high school biology teacher told us about one of her students who realized she was adopted during the genetics unit. Apparently she had dark hair and both of her parents were very blond; our teacher had used hair color as an example in class; the girl went home and started asking questions . . . I am not sure if I convinced Vern, but I thought my argument was compelling.
After this pointless exchange of words I tried to shift focus, yet again, on the much beloved 17 year-old cat who I will undoubtedly see again, as Vern and wife are in at least monthly and always request to be seen by only me.
I am thinking of buying a different style of white coat next time our office manager places an order. Maybe I should opt for something a little more form-fitting. What do you think?
